Make It Or Break It

Stay with me, play with me,

Don’t care at all,

Gonna make or break it

To the top or gonna fall

Every little part of me tells that I’m not pretty at all

Tells me that I’ll never be good enough to support

No I’m not good enough at all

I’m gonna fall

All day I get told to be somebody that’s just not me

It’s the only way that I’ll survive the world

Be what they want me to be

Or I’m gonna fall

Stay with me, play with me,

Don’t care at all,

Gonna make or break it

To the top or gonna fall

They’ll try to make me do all the things that I refuse

It don’t matter if I break in the end

They know better

And I’m gonna fall

How can I be myself when all that’s told is what’s wrong

And that I’ll be a better person

After all the criticism

I’m gonna fall

Stay with me, play with me,

Don’t care at all,

Gonna make or break it

To the top or gonna fall

You can tell me how to live

You can tell me how to breathe

But if you fix what’s not broken

Yeah, you don’t fix it at all

Stay with me, play with me,

Don’t care at all,

Gonna make or break it

To the top or gonna fall

Stay with me, play with me,

Don’t care at all,

Cuz I made it, didn’t break it,

To the top, I didn’t fall

Running Free

No regrets, nothing to prove, just my word that I’m over you

You try to hide your true intentions behind a million petty lies

For so long, I believed you; I trusted everything that you said

You broke me down, like I was worthless, like you didn’t care

I believed all the false things that you tried to put inside my head

And that lead to me being broken like I was just another toy

I used to love you like you claimed to love me, but not anymore

For I have grown stronger than a solid mountain, you helped me grow

You touched my heart, with a scalpel and slowly the tears began to show

The pain that you put me through was more than I have ever known

I hope you’re happy now with the monster you’ve created

Because there’s no taming me now

I will survive all this heartbreak, and I will beat this stupid game

I was a victim and now I am free to be anything that I choose

I never wanted this to happen; I tried my hardest to reverse

But through all your broken heartlessness, you broke yourself

Don’t expect me to be there waiting when you need me one day

I’ll be running free and wild, on my own without a single care

I will be so happy without your painful clutches grabbing me

Holding me so tightly that I cannot even seem to bleed

On My Own

Am I destined to walk the cobbled stone?

My gaze belongs to no one but the skies

No hand returns my grasp, I am alone

My eyes tell truth but my mouth only lies

To me, there is very little beauty

I do not have the one who holds my heart

I cannot find my way, I cannot see

I wish to turn the clock and to restart

How can I love him so very deeply?

His heart belongs to another, not me 

Loneliness - its gaze, its eyes stare bleakly

Fore’er shall I roam, for eternity.

Yet alas, I see that I have been blind

For I have me, myself and my own mind

First Kiss

"So where are your parents?” Christina asked.

 

  “They went out for supper ‘to give the kids some space’” he mimicked a woman’s voice, “Thank goodness for that; don’t need them embarrassing me in my first week. I’ve barely settled in as it is,”

  “I think you’ve settled in just fine,”

  He laughed and then pulled her backwards before jumping on onto the bed. They lay side by side talking about school and their lives in general. Jacob told her all about his life in Britain, even accounting the time he met The Queen, on a school visit.

 

  “We should get back to the party,” Cristina said, sitting up and glanced at the clock on the bedside table, “Your friends are all here to see you and I’m stealing you away,”

  “Five more minutes,” he chuckled.

  Without warning, he sat up and faced her. He took her face in his hands.

  “You’re perfect,” he whispered.

  She felt her cheeks going bright red, matching the colour of her lips at the beginning of the night.

  “I mean it, you are”

  And he pressed his lips to hers. There was no one left in the world as far as she was concerned. It was just her and Jacob, alone, in the moment. Time seemed to stop, all sounds ceased, bar the sound of Christina’s heart racing. Christina’s eyes were closed and she was captured in for life. She was never letting go.

  Her lips parted and made way for a more intense kiss. Christina felt as if she couldn’t breathe and yet it was so comfortable and pleasant. Too soon, he pulled away from her. She heard him chuckle and then she felt his weight leave the bed. She opened her eyes to see him with one had extended. She took his hand and allowed him to help her off the bed.

 

“By G-d, you’re beautiful,” he kissed the tip of her nose, “’Kay, we can go now,” he laughed.

  The sound was like the sweetest music ever played.

Disappointment

The Oxford dictionary defines it as “sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one’s hopes or expectations”. A good friend of mine states that it is “the look a loved one gives you when you’ve done something wrong.” Personally, I can describe disappointment in a different way. Picture that moment when you’re sitting at school or at work and suddenly you hear the last few words you would ever expect to hear.

The world entered 2013 with the words “it was all one big lie”. These words were spoken by Lance Armstrong to Oprah Winfrey in an exclusive interview on his career after being accused of doping in late 2012. By December 2012, you could not walk a meter in the streets without hearing debates on whether Lance Armstrong was in fact a fake or not. Whether those who argued in his defence or whether those who suspected that the accusations where correct, the shock felt throughout the world when Armstrong confessed was mutual. Fans and supporters all shared the same feeling of utter disappointment at the thought that their idol, the one person who they looked up too, was faking the whole time.

A more recent story with a similar outcome is the current saga involving the late South African model, Reeva Steenkamp and her boyfriend, Olympian Oscar Pistorius who allegedly shot Steenkamp in the early hours of February 14, 2013. Trials are currently underway where the court will decide whether the death of Steenkamp was premeditated murder or whether, as Pistorius has stated, it was an accidental shooting. Pistorius claims to have mistaken Steenkamp as an intruder and had felt vulnerable as he is a double amputee.

This story too caused an up roar in South Africa. Stories are now being uncovered, allegations being made and rumours being started. Although the truth has been distorted due to media sensationalism, one thing is for sure - the entire nation is feeling true disappointment.

Nobody knows who to trust anymore. Nobody knows who to look up too.

If you used to look up to Lance Armstrong, you don’t anymore – nobody wants to look up to a liar.

If you used to look up to Oscar Pistorius, you are questioning that – nobody wants to look up to a killer.

Even something as simple as hearing the fact that Justin Bieber was caught smoking weed is a disappointment. How can we choose role models now days when you feel as if everyone who you look up too ends up making these huge mistakes? Everything in the media is sensationalised to the point that you can no longer believe anything that anybody says unless it is direct from the source.

To me, besides the obvious disappointments of discovering that the person who you idolise is actually a fake, or a “bad man” as some are putting it, there is another, greater disappointment to be realised from these stories.

What kind of a world do we live in that we can’t even have a public role model without the media “leaking” something viscous about them? What kind of a world do we live in that our role models become so obsessed with the idea of fame that they assume that they are above the law?  What kind of people are we that we no longer believe in “innocent until proven guilty”?

Yes, our world is full of disappointments – and that is the biggest disappointment of all.

PS, I Miss You

Losing somebody that you love sucks. And I’m not talking about a loved one dying here. No, I’m talking about those times where you talk to somebody, twenty-four seven, for weeks at a time and then one day, it just stops. Suddenly there are no more late night conversations resulting in either one or both of you falling asleep without saying goodnight, only to wake up the next morning and continue that conversation as if nothing had ever happened. Suddenly life just becomes too busy, too hectic and your relationship suffers because of that. But why does a relationship have to suffer just because of external circumstances such as school, work or a new relationship that has been formed. Why does one person always get left feeling like the other one has simply moved on and forgotten them?

I lost him - to school. It all just became too much with the tests and exams – and me leaving for seven weeks hurt us even further, possibly to the point where it cannot be repaired. But surely, if we both wanted it, we could repair the relationship in a flash, as if nothing ever happened, as if, just like with a late night conversation, we were to ‘wake up’ and continue the conversation as if nothing had ever happened. But in order for that to work, both parties need to be on board, and unfortunately, in my situation and probably in most of these situations, one party is either unable or simply unconcerned with rekindling the dwindled flame.

Now, this I say directly to the person, should he realise that this entire article is dedicated to him. I realise that this whole situation is out of your hands and I do not blame you in any way. But I do miss you and I wonder if you miss me too, or if I’m an old chapter in your life – a chapter that you have long since read, experienced and now forgotten. Have you moved on, left me in the past? I hope not. I understand that you are swamped with work – so am I. but I just need to see something to show that you still care, even if it’s that you still care about what once was, not what will be.

I’m not about to play the blame game. I realise that it was my actions too, that caused the separation. But I’m making an effort now, I’m trying to change. Maybe I’m trying to change fate – and maybe that is impossible.

Just remember, when it’s late at night and you’re falling asleep, that I am thinking of you and that way, you will be thinking of me too.

Non-Conformist Lover

Being a sixteen year old girl there are many clichés that go through my mind on a daily basis; my weight, fashion, celebrity gossip and most importantly, boys. Now those people who have read my poems or short stories will know that I am completely in love with the idea of being in love. But just so that the people who don’t know me know, I have actually never been in a relationship before. How’s that - A sixteen year old in this modern-day society who has never been a relationship and has never been kissed by a boy. Hard to believe that those types of people still exist…

Whenever we are told to write a creative piece we are always told “Write from what you know” or “use previous experiences to make it more realistic”. Well how can I be such a good English student – and I am in no way trying to come off as narcissistic, but my marks do back me up – when I do not have the experience to back my stories? In honest truth, I try and avoid writing about love for school at all costs. Not that I can’t write about it, I just try and avoid the topic of love within the school environment – it’s simply too personal to share with some of my teachers, it just causes and awkward atmosphere with the teachers. 

That isn’t even the point I’m trying to get to, it’s just some background about me and some insight into my mind and how it works. Now to the real point.

I have never experienced love, how can I write love stories? How can so many of my poems, songs and even the book that I am in the process of writing, be based on something that I have never felt before? The honest truth is that I feel things on a different level to most other people. When I read a love story, I fall in love along with the main character. When people approach me with relationship advice, I relate, understand and sympathise – and then I can help them by guiding them and hopefully resolve the issue at hand.

It’s not that I’ve physically experienced it, but I have experienced it, on a different level. I relate to love, I understand love, I have loved and I love today. I love writing, I love my family, I love my creativity, I love my uniqueness. I even loved a boy once – that didn’t end well.

So yes, you have to write based on experience, but who defines what that experience must be. Just because I’ve never had a boyfriend, kissed a guy, been in love and gotten it back doesn’t detract from the other experiences that I have with love. Who dictates that love must be a common relationship, boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily ever after. And yes, that may be what I do write about, but I’ve never experienced it. I write about the type of love that I write in order to experience that kind of love. But I don't mind that I haven't had those experiences, my day will come. And I’m happy with the experiences that I have had.

I’ve experienced love in my own, unique ways – and I’m proud of that.

 

I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved.

I am proud of what I write.

 

I am proud of being a non-conformist lover.